The Dream

I arrived. With me were a few of my friends, including George of SRA fame and a small group of girls I never met before. I quickly identified we were in Spain somehow. Around us were a few ruined castle walls  and a whole lot of chest-high fences. This obviously meant the place was set up for an annual Spanish Encierro. Since I’ve seen the bull run in Pamplona once, I knew precisely what to do. I positioned my friends between the fences where they might not be trampled, and set out to investigate.

As I rounded the corner around one of the walls, I realized something ghastly. This was also Disneyland, which obviously exists in Spain. There was a parade going on, and I was tasked by yours truly to identify as many Disney characters as possible. I recognized Pinoccio, a platoon of nutcrackers, the Little Mermaid, a small army of insects from A Bug’s Life (to scale!), the cars from Cars, Jack Sparrow, Sora, Ruby and Blake from RWBY, Crowe, and a few more characters that all appeared in Disney movies.

When the parade passed, some COD-looking jerk approached me. Of course, it was up to me to eliminate the compromised bulls (some of them were brainwashed by ‘the enemy’) in the upcoming stampede. This was already obvious to me, so I skipped his dialogue. He presented me with a crate of weapons larger than himself that he pulled out of nowhere. The weapons inside all looked kinda shit, but I picked out some assault rifle-looking thing. In most games I pull the trigger and see what happens before I decide on my weapon of choice, but that was not an option here, for some reason.

I took my position in front of the big gate they’d all come from, right in the line of fire like a total chump. Because of my knowledge of bull runs, I knew the first wave would be ‘the cowards’, men (and women, but mostly men) who signed up for the bragging rights, drunk or otherwise, but planned to climb over the fences and nope the hell out of there first chance they got. I was ready. The gate opened.

A single dude stumbled out. He had the white shirt and cool red scarf bull runners wear, and a better gun than me (wait what) so I was kinda envious. He teetered away and I asked mission control what the hell was up. COD Jerk returned out of thin air, and led me into the real arsenal, which was for some reason behind the same gate. Inside, I quickly noticed a giant mech comprised of mostly a MASSIVE MINIGUN and a pair of sexy-looking legs. I approved, because there was a smaller minigun turret by the pilot seat, just below the main gun. I got in. How could I not. I went outside again, and took the same position. I felt a lot more confident now that I had a murder robot. Then, the cavalry arrived.

A bunch of soccer mom Thomas the Train Engines barreled down the hill. They all had a pink-purple colour scheme which was terrible, and they were continuously screaming. They then transformed into very ugly cars which looked significantly less intimidating, still screaming. Hannibal from the A-team, who was a Disney character and also a Transformer, commented how he wanted one of those as a ride. I ignored them, and because things only exist in dreams when you think about them, they never made it to my position. Whoops.

A tiny pillbug cowgirl came up to me, asking if I’d “Seen any no-good sons of guns today?”
I wiggled my fingers near my hips, hovering above my non-existant holster. “Right there,” I nodded towards a man-sized door right next to the massive gate.
“Good,” she growled, taking position next to me with a pillbug-sized revolver. I was glad to have this badass’ support, because I could use some help. I only had a massive death machine, after all, and she looked very skilled.

I was interrupted by the woman who had apparently been supporting me with intel all along. She finally found a suitable disguise, in the form of a ham shank with a slice cut out of her stomach. She looked really stupid like that, but I didn’t mention it. She was very angry with me for some reason.

That’s when I woke up. Hadn’t seen a single bull.